After the abortion, my pornography viewing increased as a way to deal with anxiety and depression … It became a vicious cycle - John.
Men who have been part of abortion decisions are often left with some sense of shame or guilt for their role in the death of their child. Even if a man experiences an initial sense of relief after the procedure, there remains a spiritual and emotional wound to his manhood, and fatherhood.
Fr. William Dillard, DMin, is an assistant professor of Spiritual Theology at Mount Angel Seminary in Oregon. He presents an excellent overview of the pornography issue, with some helpful recommendations for pastoral ministry in his article entitled, The Pornography Epidemic.
Fr. Dillard shares some of the common “cycles of behavior” found in the stories of those struggling with pornography addiction. This can help us better understand how porn may be connected to a past abortion loss:
- There are often triggers that initiate the behavior, including anger, loneliness, fatigue, depression, boredom, stress, and anxiety.
- The person begins to think about pornographic material, and takes the step to accesses pornography, leading to a solitary sexual experience.
- Lastly, the person often experiences feelings of guilt or remorse after the episode. Those feelings can lead to a sense of defeat or failure, and so the cycle begins again.
The painful and confusing feelings men experience after abortion can serve as triggers that leave them vulnerable to intensifying their relationship with pornography. The cycle of behaviors associated with porn can serve as a dysfunctional way to both express and medicate deep and intimate emotional pain.
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Tweet This: The pain and confusion men experience after abortion can be triggers, leaving them vulnerable to intensifying their relationship with porn.
John was part of an abortion when he was in college. After the experience, his pornography consumption increased:
“I didn’t really understand this until after I went through a healing program, but I was very confused and hurt from my role in that abortion. After the abortion, my pornography viewing increased as a way to deal with anxiety and depression when it would surface.
“It became a vicious cycle – I had these painful emotions; I would turn to pornography and masturbation to relieve my pain and loneliness … but after I would feel much worse and vow to stop.
“I was definitely abusing pornography like a drug, and the pornographic content I viewed became more intense and debased the longer this went on.”
John attended a program for emotional and spiritual healing of his abortion loss. He reports that the compulsion to access porn lessened considerably after gathering with other men to share his story, reconcile with the Lord, and reconnect in love with his aborted child.
The healing journey enabled John to get to the heart of the wound that fueled his porn addiction. Breaking out of the hellish isolation cultivated by porn, he journeyed with other wounded souls to reconcile his role in the death of his preborn child, and to experience the real hope that his son or daughter is alive in the Lord.
John adds, “I also have been participating in an online group that has been helping me stay chaste and avoid slipping back into porn use.”
Resources for recovery
- Strive is a 21-day porn detox for men developed by Matt Fradd, helping them begin the journey to freedom through daily videos and challenges.
- Help for Men and Women Struggling with Pornography Use - For Your Marriage
- For Healing after Abortion:
Rachel’s Vineyard
Abortion Forgiveness
The Men and Abortion Network (Information & Resources for healing - Referral for Mentors/Counselors)
Editor’s note: Theresa Burke, Ph.D., and Kevin Burke, MSS, are pastoral associates of Priests for Life and the founders of Rachel’s Vineyard. This article is a Pregnancy Help News original. Readers are encouraged to share this article with clergy, pastoral ministers, and counselors so they can have an increased awareness about the possible role of a past abortion loss in porn misuse and addiction. Additional abortion recovery resources are available HERE.
