It was 2016 and the 30th anniversary of the Pregnancy Resource Center. It was also the first year we decided to invest in a speaker for our fundraising banquet.
I knew who we needed, Marc Newman.
I met him at a conference in 2015 that I received a scholarship to attend, and that is where our friendship ensued.
If you have ever heard Marc Newman speak, he keeps a captive audience and truly challenges you to get off your blessed assurance and do something for life.
It was something he said at that particular banquet years ago that I laugh about now, but at the time it offended some attendees.
He was boldly speaking about the work of pregnancy centers and said, “This is not your little ladies knitting group.”
Ironically, we just happened to have a table of gifted knitters. They use their gifts and talents to knit beautiful items for families who choose life, and we are grateful for that. But what Marc was doing was challenging the status quo.
This is a fight.
This is war.
We need men and women willing to rise up and contend for life, not sit in circles and sing Kumbaya.
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For years, that statement has stayed with me because at its core, it was a challenge against passivity.
And nowhere do we see the cost of passivity more clearly than in the role of fathers during unexpected pregnancies.
When men realize they do have a voice, it changes the game. We see it firsthand in our Pregnancy Resource Centers.
Reading in John 5, where it talks about Jesus’ response after healing the man by the pool of Bethesda, in verse 19 He says, “Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do, for whatever He does, the Son also does in like manner.”
Of course, this pertained to the Jews being upset because He healed the man on the sabbath.
This got me thinking about our men today, especially those who experience an unexpected pregnancy with their girlfriends. Many have never had a healthy model of what being a man looks like or the role of an involved father.
Too often, they check out.
Their response when she wants his input is, “Whatever you want to do.”
Or they become the primary influencer in her abortion decision and pressure her by saying, “Just get rid of it. No one will ever have to know.”
Then sometimes you have the occasion where he wants to step up and do the right thing, yet she is adamant about having an abortion.
What we have witnessed is the wound from the gaping hole of the father in our communities and in our nation.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 18.2 million children, or 1 in 4, live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. This can be found on Fatherhood.org.
And this does not even account for fathers who are physically present but disengaged and spiritually and mentally absent. That is a huge factor as well.
What a fallen world we live in.
But what we are seeing in the pregnancy help movement is a shift, and I love it.
Men are stepping up.
Men are leaning in to change the narrative.
It’s crucial to tell these dads, “This is not how your story has to end. You have a huge part to play, and you do not have to do this alone.”
Tweet This: We live in a fallen world but men are stepping up and leaning in to change the narrative on absent fathers.
We have a solid group of champion men in our centers making a difference in the dynamics of these families, one dad and one mom at a time.
This has been a cry of my heart for years, and to watch God take a prayer and do way more than I could dream or imagine with it has been incredible. Not only that but bring people alongside us in ministry who see the importance as well.
The fathers who serve with us are not perfect by any stretch. None of us are.
But they are present.
They are available.
And they point to the pure and perfect example of a father, our Heavenly Father.
Through their trials, mishaps, and messes, they pour into these dads with courage and boldness.
They challenge moms and dads alike to model fatherhood and motherhood in ways they may have never seen before. Ways that can change and disrupt generational patterns and bring healing and freedom like they have never experienced.
We have a couple’s class at our center each spring and fall among other support services that is led by one of our male and female mentors. The class challenges couples in their relationships and teaches what it looks like to lay a firm foundation by using Scripture as their guide.
Recently, at one of our graduation classes, a dad spoke up and said to our male mentor, “If I wanted to be like anyone, I would want to be like you. I know I will never be close to the man you are, but I have a great guide.”
That stopped me in my tracks.
So no, this is not your little ladies knitting group, though we deeply appreciate those donations made by hardworking hands.
We are calling for men and women in our communities who are ready to guide families in ways they may have never had before.
This work is hard.
It is messy.
It is not easy.
But with the Lord on our side, it is worth it, and He works through our weakness in ways we could never manufacture on our own.
The families who come through our doors are literally being led by the world to kill their children so they can “move on.”
But they never really move on.
Instead, another layer is added to a growing pile of wounds and hurts.
There is a saying that goes, “If you never heal from what hurt you, you will bleed on people who did not cut you.”
That quote reminds us that unhealed pain does not stay contained. It shapes how we speak, react, and relate to others, often spilling onto people who had no part in the original wound.
So, my challenge to you is simple.
Get involved if you are not already.
Call your local pregnancy center.
Ask if they have a men's program where you can volunteer your time. If not, offer to step up to volunteer to get this going.
Give financially to help provide no cost, lifesaving, and life transforming services.
And pray.
We can make a difference and be a voice for families who need it most, one dad and one mom at a time.
Editor's note: Valerie Millsapps is CEO of Pregnancy Resource Center in Maryville, Tenn. This article is a Pregnancy Help News original.
